Wednesday, December 2, 2009

I am the bride of Christ!

I am a christian, in case you didn't notice. : ) I am not perfect, I have a million flaws, but thankfully through Jesus I am without shame or guilt. He's still working on me, making me what I ought to be. I sang those words when I was younger, not understanding what they really meant, but in the past couple of weeks I have really started to cling to those words.

Since Alex has been born we have went not went to church, hardly at all. I have been really convicted and I know that I can't be what God wants me to be without it. I have struggled and come up the excuses, and I have struggled with my own insecurities. But I had finely decided that I needed to put those excuses away and go, for Alex's sake. I don't want him to go through life and not understand Jesus, not have Jesus. He is always watching Veggietales and I am always singing about Jesus and talking about Jesus, but that's not enough. I knew that we had to do something. One of the excuses was I didn't have anything to wear, I didn't. I did consider wearing jeans and a nice shirt and I knew that if the entire congregation frowned upon that , I would probably say, nah. not for us. I didn't want that pressure, I was nervous enough. I wanted to blend in, not stand out.

So I told God that if he would find me a shirt the next day (it was Saturday) we would go to church. I knew that God would help me. He always does.

We went to Carolina thrift in search for something to wear. I have not lost the baby weight from Alex, if anything I have gained, so its not a small task to find me something to wear. I found several things but they didn't look like they fit, and the others I found didn't match anything I had. So back to square one. I knew as I stood there that God would provide. He's constantly providing and surprising me with his generosity and love.

I decided that I could get away with my black dress pants, but what about a shirt? We went to Wal-mart next to get groceries. I found this really great Norma Kamali Blouse for $5!!! I absolutely love it!

Some of you may say that God doesn't work like that, but I disagree. I know that God knows all my needs and amazingly he understood my battle, he understood the way I felt and he said, "its okay, I'll take care of it."

Part 1 church battle was over. Clothes, check.

The next part of the battle was whether to take Alex to the first service. I wanted to, I really did, but the logical side said that it would be easier to try to out before we get into the whole nursery thing. I mean what of the church we went to were wackos? (Trust me, there out there!)

And not to mention hes never had to stay with anyone that wasn't family! So my husband called his mom and it was set up for him to stay with her during our adventure. (by now, that's what it was!)

Part 2 church battle was over. Alex, check.

I had already found the church I wanted to go to, it was Baptist. We where set. I was so nervous! I hate going to new places like that! But that night we prayed and I had been telling God about my battle, he understood. Because that night after me and my husband had had read the Bible and prayed about it, I laid down and tried to think about it logically.

Why was I going to church? To worship God and be obedient to him.
That was the bottom line. I wasn't going to do anything more than that. I didn't have to worry about people not liking me or not thinking I was dressed appropriately. That didn't matter!

And that's when God showed me the perfect illustration to get me through it!

Preparing for our wedding was kind of a nightmare. If it wasn't one thing to worry about it was the other. The church, the bridesmaids, the honeymoon, hectic, craziness! I was stressed out a lot of the time, We pretty much done it on our own. But even in all the craziness, when I walked through those church doors and laid my eyes on my beloved, none of it mattered. I didn't care if people were swinging from the chandeliers. All that matted was that I was marrying the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with!

And that's when the light bulb came on! As long as I kept my eyes one my beloved, nothing else mattered! I was his bride! I could handle this! Its amazing that God used that illustration to show me what it was all about, because in the bible, the church is the bridegroom of Christ! I am part of the church. I am saved and sanctified and every other thing that goes along with being the church!

Stayed tuned for part 2 of the Church search!

Hope everyone has a great day : )


aidensmom said...

Wow, You almost had me in tears. I feel the same way. Although for me church has always been a battle. So I decided that as GOD is every where so is his house. Church. I am not a dress person. Never have been. Never will be. I hope that one day we will find the right church for us. I want Aiden to know Jesus too. So we are doing just the same. Talking, singing and reading about him. Not alot right now b/c cause he doesn't understand, but soon he will. I just hope he has a better understanding then I did. I am still learning and still getting his guidance. Even though at times I am a little slow to get it the first time. lol We are always growing and learning. Just as GOD intended it to be. I hope you find the right one for you. Good luck girl.

Susie said...

I really enjoyed your post and look forward to part 2. It really is hard finding a church you feel comfortable in. It seems like it is such a hard thing to do. But it's really simple, people are just people and they are all in the church to do the same thing you want to do.

Hang in there, you'll find the right place.